|My peace sign from God|
Some may know I was married for 38 yrs when my husband abandoned me for another woman. This was the biggest shock and most devastating news to me, our children and thousands of people who knew him. People said he was the last person on earth they thought would ever do something like that. I begged, pleaded and cried for a year for him to leave her and since he didn't, I decided I did not want to be with a man who did that to me. I loved him and thought he loved me.
He just decided he wanted to start living for himself and walked away from everything. I think it was a mid-life crisis but he says it wasn't. I still think it was. Divorce was never even in our vocabulary but after a year, I decided I couldn't live that way, so I did file for divorce. I did not want to be with a man who would do those things to me and even if they broke up, I wasn't going to be his second choice. It has caused so many problems to everyone who knew him. (our family, the church, and our friends) He was their hero. But he's a different person now and lives for someone else, himself. The husband I knew died, and things will never be the same. It's been 4 yrs now and there are after effects that keep me in turmoil. I won't go into detail on my blog, but there are millions of people out there who have gone through what I'm going through and completely understand. I consider myself a widow now, but I don't have good memories, I was abandoned, no life insurance and the rejection is too much to bear sometimes.
The only way I'm still here on this earth is because of God. HE is my strength, HE keeps me going and I've been able to trust and depend on HIM when I didn't think I could go another step. But HOW will I ever be able to trust another man? I am not looking, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I want a partner, a companion, someone I can love who loves me and share life with. I have a lot of love to give but I would never settle for someone unless I knew they were sent to me from God. When I get at my lowest (which is very often) I pray and ask God to give me strength and peace. Usually about 10 minutes later, I have peace.
When I don't dwell on my circumstances, I'm doing ok, but seeing things or hearing things remind me of the worst. And my divorce still isn't over even though I filed 3 yrs ago. So you can imagine why I'm still having to deal with this. I just wish I could go on to the next chapter in my life. He tried to talk to me about reconciliation but I knew he wasn't serious because he hadn't broken up with her yet! That was 2 years ago.
I said all this to say that I often pray for peace, just so I can go on breathing. We had a big storm about 6 wks ago, and a tree in my back yard was split in half and fell to the ground. It wasn't until about a week later that my next door neighbor (sweet sweet Sue) called me over to her yard and said "I want to show you something." She had taken a picture of my fallen tree and said, "Look, it's a peace sign." When I saw that picture it brought tears to my eyes, and I said, "It has to be a sign from God." So look closely at my picture and tell me what you think. My daughter said, "Mom, a peace sign has 3 prongs and that's upside down." She's right, but nobody is going to take that away from me. It's my peace sign from God that everything is going to be ok. Look at the perfect circle. (and it goes all the way around-you just can't see the other side) How could that just be a coincidence?? Let me know what you think!